i'm pretty sure i might have mono (updated)

i've been part of B's family for a while now, and it's high-time i join the club and start diagnosing my own medical conditions. this is, it turns out, the family's second favorite pastime ... second only to cooking insanely large meals for a minimum of four times the number of guests that will actually appear. their third favorite pastime is bossing me around in the kitchen.

here, S, can i get you to chop/cut/dice/slice [fill in any vegetable, most hard cheeses, fruits (dried and fresh), bacon or bread]?

so i'm trying to fit in. and i've decided i must have mono. this is the only logical explanation for my total lack of motivation to engage in anything law school related. these are the symptoms i found on webmd (who knew there was more than just being a lazy ass!):

fever, which may range from 101 °F to 104 °F, and chills.
hm. negative on those. i'm cold, but that's because we're still running the AC in november.

sore throat, often with white patches on the tonsils.
um, not this either. unless you count scratchiness from the occassional cigarette that i definitely don't smoke.

swollen lymph nodes all over the body, especially in the neck.
well, no. i don't think so.

swollen tonsils.
maybe. ok, not really. but i'm really bummed that i haven't answered yes yet.

headache or body aches.
yes! i had the worst headache as i was listening to my evidence prof read slides for two hours!

LACK OF ENERGY AND FATIGUE.
this is it! this is the one. definitely. add lack of motivation and disinterest in all things law school.

loss of appetite.
ok, definitely not.

pain in the upper left part of the abdomen, which may indicate that the spleen has become enlarged.
my spleen is actually feeling a-o-k these days. (does anyone know what the spleen even does? or where it is and what it feels like? anyone? RK??)

UPDATE: On 11/15/06, rk wrote:
i think cleans out the old red cells in your blood. helps fight infection.

didn't i tell you guys she knows everything??

well shit. i really don't know what to say. i'm still pretty sure b gave me mono. he's seems to be pretty uninterested in school these days too... i'm sure this is the answer. i'll do some independent medical research and get back to everyone.