home for the holidays

to the aliens who took my crazy parents and replaced them with normal parents: keep them. i don't care what you're doing to those nuts ... probing, whatever ... just don't bring them back. those fake normal parents you left at their house didn't fool me, but i much prefer them.

i can't remember the last time i was sad to leave my parents' house. but christmas morning, after 2 days of actual normal human interaction, as we pulled away at 7am and my dad* waved through the picture window, i couldn't help but cry a little. there were a couple years, after my brother moved out and before my dad lost his job, when my parents were great. but the last five years have been a little rough, to put it nicely. maybe their township has started putting paxil in the water supply along with flouride.

the only downer (ok, not only - my brother's car did break down on the way over, which became something of a fiasco, but how cute was it when we pulled up the gas station and the oldest nephew was signing** "the car broke! the car broke!") was that i may have broken my hand on a digital camera display at meijer. the damn thing was attached with some super elastic rope to keep people from stealing it ... i dropped it and it sprung back on my hand at the speed of light. or sound. there may have been a sonic boom. anyway, that was saturday. it still hurts like a mother. it may have been my fault ... because i may have been drunk. but what's a trip to michigan without a drunken midnight trip to meijer? no trip i want to be a part of, nosirree.

the fam in detroit was pretty normal too - lots of drama and gossiping. standard fare. there was a little tiff between B and the terd that's married to his mom, but i wasn't there to witness it and B was sparse on the details.*** also, the youngest nephew decided to announce to all of barnes & noble yesterday: "i'm going ca-ca uncle B"!**** stellar.

as an aside, i saw this product in the in-flight catalog. i loves my ipod, but - really?



*who barely said three words to us the last time we were there.
**my brother's children sign, because their mother doesn't hear, and it's the fricking cutest thing you'll ever see in your whole life.
***which is killing me because i am really fucking nosy and i want to know every single syllable that was exchanged.
****he doesn't actually call B uncle B - but he does actually call me auntie s. he knows my name, but that's my nickname. killer cute.