guest blogger: david letterman!!!

ok, not really. did it work? are you reading? i only said that because i have a top ten list. a top ten list of things that have been going on since i haven't been blogging obsessively. i like to think i've been funny in real life. though it seems unlikely. i know.

1. seriously, what the fuck is going on with the orange line? seriously. orange line, do you hate me? have i offended you? what's the deal? because today i waited 20 minutes for a train during rush hour. orange line, that's not the way it's supposed to work. not. during. rush. hour. please.

2. i'm pretty sure my fly was down during the train ride after i waited a full 20 minutes for a damned train. yes, pretty sure. how do i know? let me tell you. i got to work, and was chatting with nice boss and craptastic boss for about ten minutes (mainly about what the fuck is up with the orange line) and craptastic (or creeptastic) boss was starting at my pants the whole time. i thought i'd spilled coffee on my pants. but then i walked past a coworker and she kindly (like a normal homosapien would do) said, hon, your fly is down. now i know creeptastic boss was staring at my vijajay. creep.

3. a friend and coworker had her last day today, followed by the obligatory visit to a fav bar in the neighborhood, with $5 martinis. they're like those chips that you can't just eat one of - pringles? doritos? who knows. after $25 worth of $5 martinis, it's hard to remember commercials and the like. anyway. love those martinis, the bartender that is probably sharon osborne's long lost sister, and that this friend never has to deal with aforementioned creeptastic boss again. (did i mention he draws nekkid ladies? shudder.) also, the pommes frites with the herb garlic aeoli? get out of here.

4. thanks to myspace, we finally reconnected with some old pals and roommates from college that we hadn't talked to in for-fricking-ever. so awesome. sometimes myspace is creepy (or maybe just when i'm using it to stalk people from high school) but this time it really paid off. which is sweet.

5. also, we leave for st. martin in 10 days. which is also sweet.

6. i went tanning yesterday, which yes i know is awful and terrible and i'm definitely getting cancer from, but godDAMN did it feel good. B thinks i'm going to turn orange, but it will be covered by layers and layers of caribbean sun, so no matter.

7. some newman-esque figure at the usps is totally giving the pearl and diamond earrings B bought me for christmas to his mistress. sonofabitch. at least B got a refund.

8. when i wrap presents after $25 worth of $5 martinis, turns out the gifts don't look so hot. sorry, rk.

9. is it wrong that i bought one of my nephews every single dinosaur in target? is that too much? and what do you think the baggage handlers at national are going to say when they see that in the x-ray?

10. also, borders is way better than barnes & nobles.

i didn't mean to come up with 10 things, but i got to 8 and then felt i had to keep going. so if 9 and 10 are lame, sorry. you should get a medal for reading all those anyway. let me know. i'll mail you a medal. seriously. but i can't guarantee it won't be made of tin foil and left over holiday ribbon. a medal is a medal. don't complain.

UPDATE: my sister-in-law just said the funniest thing ever to me:

sure, christmas is about giving. ok. but it's also about fucking over those family members that have fucked you over all year.

the sweet baby jesus would be so, so proud.