some of you may remember #4 of my new year's resolutions: chill the fuck out. i thought i'd been doing ok, but after this week, i'm not so sure. some women retain water. like my sister-in-law. that woman is always (claiming to be) bloated. it's just her thing. and i retain stress. i think i just carry it around with me, even when there's nothing to stress out about or, if there is, nothing i could possibly do about it ... (and yes, i do retain my stress in my ass. clearly.)
it all started at the end of last week, just as spring break was approaching. it started with me getting skull x-rays because of a huge bulbous mass that had appeared on the top of my skull, so large that i could actually see it under my hair. it started with me at my HMO at 6pm in the evening asking to see a doctor for said bulbous mass, and the after hours nurses thinking i was pretty damn crazy. luckily, the doctor who was the first person to touch my bulging head also thought it was freakish and didn't judge me. instead she sent me to a woman in radiology who clearly would have rather been reading her magazine. after consulting rk, and self-medicating with some benadryl and wine (what rk claims would be her first line of attack for any ailment, were she a doctor), i'm pretty convinced it was a stress hive on my scalp. either that, or it was the twin i absorbed as a fetus, the root of my genius, trying to escape. if it was, then everyone should know that benadryl and wine will keep that nasty absorbed twin at bay. you're welcome.
anyway, i thought i'd learned my lesson - if i'm so stressed out about nothing that freakish bulbous hives are forming on my scalp, perhaps i needed to work harder to chill the fuck out. but my immune system had other ideas.
my immune system, in protest, has also taken a spring break.
i woke up at 4am on sunday thinking some german soldier was standing on my face. (off, damn kraut!) instead, it was the nastiest sinus cold i have ever had, and only today - after taking most of the benadryl, sudafed and nyquil in this place, and indulging in approximately 12 hours of napping - am i approaching normal again. i feel like my poor little white blood cells have been holding back the germs for months now, until one of them said hey guys, you know she doesn't have class this week? and the others looked at each other and said, well, fuck this, and gave up.
if my immune system reads this blog, i'd like to openly apologize and pledge that i will try harder with that whole stress thing. will you guys get back to work now? thanks.