Monday, January 22, 2007

metro monday ix: thanks for hiring my grandma

maybe i'm a little self-centered, but some days i suspect metro is purposely trying to piss. me. off.

e.g., today.

during rush hour, b and i waited almost ten minutes for a train. unacceptable. all i could think about was how stuffed and hot and smelly the train would be because all the people along the orange line before us who also waited almost ten minutes have stuffed themselves on. uber annoying. but i actually don't think it was poor planning by metro this morning that caused the wait ... unless poor hiring practices or train driver training count as poor planning. the train driver may have actually been my grandmother. and if so, grandma i'm really sorry for all the mean things i called you in my head.

first of all, the train honked when it pulled into the station. i fucking hate this. why. it's not like we're all hanging out on the tracks or something. don't honk. please.** then, it proceeded into the station so slowly that people were actually walking next to it and keeping up.*** it was really obnoxious. of course, this happened at every station. honking, crawling past the people who've all been waiting almost ten minutes for the train. during rush hour.

and i've never actually (knock on wood) had the joy of being on a train that was off-loaded because one of the doors wouldn't close, but i imagine it goes a little something like this:

1. driver tries to close doors like normal. 2. driver tries again. 3. driver tries again. 4. driver says please stand clear of the doors. 5. driver tries again. 6. maybe again. 7. driver says please stand clear of the doors or we'll have to offload this train. 8. driver tries a couple more times, then kicks everyone off.

the driver today? 1. tried to close doors like normal. 2. says please stand clear of the doors or this train will be off-loaded because of mechanical malfunction. 3. driver tries again and doors shut without a problem. jumping the gun a little perhaps? i mean, we were already about to mutiny because it was taking two minutes to get from one end of a station to the other. maybe threatening to kick us off because someone's messenger bag was stuck in the door without trying again to shut the doors was a little much.

... one more thing. on the escalator at foggy bottom, i saw a 30 something guy wearing a suit, carrying a kenneth cole messenger bag, and wearing a hat like this. speaking of things that are not ok...

*why is it so hard for metro to coordinate trains during rush hour so they are a reasonable amount of time apart? really. if you know, please tell me.

**this goes especially for "no passenger" trains. it's like you're taunting us. hey look at this! a train! going in your direction! but guess what, asshole, you can't get on.

i am only slightly exaggerating.


Anonymous said...

I was totally on that train. I turned down my ipod just as he was threatening expulsion, and then I laughed at him. then I looked around and so no further reactions on the train, so I was a bit confused.

Anyway, ipods help defuse metro-rage.

John said...

iPods do help defuse metro-rage. If I didn't have mine I would just die.

But the reason why they can't space the trains apart more evenly is because people take too long off-loading and loading. Whenever they try to close the doors sure enough someone is gonna jam their Kenneth Cole briefcase into the door to try to get in.

Pelagius said...

I'm just going to go out on a limb here but the delay might have had something to do with the Great Blizzard of Aught Seven and the fact that Metro is a little skittish after their recent murder spree.