metro monday: better late than never OR fake lawyer and ventriloquism

did i even ride the train this morning? is it still monday? i have this vague recollection of being in the shower contemplating the fucked up dreams i had last night (including one where i was clinging to a giant stone column in the middle of the ocean, huge waves crashing on me but somehow still hanging on, for example. also my dad was there talking to me. i think he was in a raft. and i think he may have thought i was my nephew. wtf?), freaking out over my collar not lying quite right under my suit, then i was sitting in the park across from my (gulp) office waiting to go in so i wouldn't be too early, and then i was on my 4th cup of coffee, talking about cabbies in dc v. ny and the importance of not putting off your billing.

and then i sat in my office staring at my desk for 20 minutes. i really wanted to stare out the window ... my window ... but that just would have been weird.

but b, he had a perfect metro monday ... one way more interesting than reading my scattered reminiscing about the weirdness of my first day as a fake lawyer. but as i'm a bit exhausted and b isn't much into the blogging, i'll just relay his telling of it.

b: so i got on the train this morning, and there was this woman just standing in the doorway with a wheelchair.
s: you mean, sitting in a wheel chair.
b: no. standing.
s: was there anyone in the chair?
b: no.
s: so she's?
b: standing behind an empty wheelchair.
s: ah.
b: right, so first of all, if i had an empty wheelchair on the metro during rush hour, i'd at least take a seat.
s: you mean, move it out of the way or ..
b: no, i mean in the wheelchair. i mean, jesus, it's an empty seat, right?
s: [smiling as i picture b, suitclad, sitting in an empty wheelchair, legs casually crossed, reading the metro express, in a crammed rush hour train.]
b: i almost asked her, is anyone sitting there? i mean, we were crammed in there like sardines. i could've used the seat.
s: that would have been something, dude. seriously.
b: but that's not the weird part. then she started doing ventriloquism.
s: ventriloquism? did she have a puppet?
b: no.
s: oh.
b: it was fucked up. she was definitely crazy, and i felt kinda sorry for her. but it was hilarious.
s: ventriloquism?
b: yeah. all i could think was, dude i wish s were here.
s: and that you wanted to sit in the wheelchair.
b: and that.