i am consistently disappointed in you, cnn, much like a midwestern mother trying to pretend her children aren't adults and demanding that the holiday be Just The Way They've Always Been. but this, truly, has taken things in a whole new direction.
Martial arts TV star picks presidential candidate
chuck norris? CHUCK NORRIS?
how is chuck norris' endorsement in the presidential race even on the list of possible news stories that could be covered on your well-read website? how, how, how? has one of The Onion's writers snuck onto your staff? have you been hacked by the same person who got into ann coulter's website last week, or that chick from The Hills' myspace page? and does anyone believe she isn't behind that sex tape scandal? i really need to think that there is some logical explanation for the reporting of this completely irrelevant presidential endorsement. because i've always been under the impression that chuck norris' relevance in national politics was one of the signs of impending apocalypse. obviously, my biblical knowledge is impressive.
on the bright side, if this means that the political opinions of people who truly don't matter are going to be real news, i'm for hillary. please leave me a comment for a full interview and headshot. i'll be waiting.