Friday, December 07, 2007

we all just need to REMAIN CALM - updated

something is not right, here in the metro dc area today. and i don't know what or who is behind it. terrorists? some super virus? alien invasion? satanic possession? i don't have the answers, people. but i know we should all be afraid.

if i hadn't seen the terror with my own eyes, i wouldn't have believed it either, friends. seriously. and what scares me the most is that it's happening in everyday work places - academia, government contractors. where will it strike next? WHERE GOD WHERE?

people are wearing velour sweatsuits to work today.

i know it's scary. i know, i'm scared too. two cases have been confirmed, one with photographic evidence (picture NSFW*), so you know exactly what to look for. what we need here is to be vigilant, people. we need to track this ... this ... whatever in god's name it is that has resulted in people wearing velour sweatsuits to work ... with the utmost precision. i'm about to call DHS. i have grave suspicions that the terrorists have either (1) affected the brains of certain of our coworkers, with an eye to manipulate them into some awful covert act, which they are testing by first seeing if they are willing to commit the horrendous act of wearing a velour sweatsuit to work; or (2) are trying to sabotage the american workforce by grinding productivity to a screeching halt as we all try to figure out why the fuck our coworkers are wearing velour sweatsuits to work.

do you have a coworker wearing a velour sweatsuit to work today? if so, it's your duty as an american to post a comment and email me photographic evidence if possible. we need to stop this thing, people. freedom, liberty, our whole way of life could be at stake here.

god bless.


upstanding american SJ has done his duty. he has bravely sought and submitted more evidence of the growing epidemic.

you're truly a hero, SJ. i salute you.

*not NSFW in that way, you pervs. if you want to see random nipples, go to the superficial or something.


EJ Takes Life said...

I think it's my duty as an American to say that if you wear a velour sweatsuit to work, you hate freedom. And Jesus. And America. But especially freedom.

S said...

me: great comment.

EJ: mitt romney inspired me this week
jesus, america, freedom-- it's all tied up together

me: it's beautiful, really

EJ: just like our founding fathers intended, obv

me: obv. i mean, they couldn't include everything in the constitution - like baby jesus is king of america, or don't wear velour sweatsuits to work

rg said...

I have a few co-workers who wear sweatsuits/sweatpants to work ALL THE TIME. Last year one of our VPs wore a tracksuit to a meeting...I was like OMG!!!